Leaving soon!

About to leave Vegas for about 3 weeks to visit family in AZ :) taking a 1:15 flight at 5 and I can't wait to get there! Excited to visit family for a while.. Will be updating more often when things actually happen.

Moral of yesterday's story.

Sometimes giving up is the best option.

...

I wanted to post this yesterday but I held my tongue because I hate having a depressing attitude.  Until I woke up this morning I never realized how silly I would have been.  Who gives up? People who don't want something badly enough.  So I guess the question is, how badly do I want this or anything?  Bad enough to fight for it or just enough to let it fall into my hands and otherwise let it disappear.

No, I want to fight for it, I just don't know how to go about it.  Well I really can't control anything but me so maybe I should start with finding ways to reach my want without hoping it will find ways to reach me.  Persistence is key.  I can do this.

I recently picked up a book and a lovely little book shop called "The Secret" which has completely inspired me.  Maybe the ideas are not necessarily perfect but it makes life 100 times easier.  I encourage everyone to find and read this book.

Until something a tad more exciting happens in my life I'm afraid my posts might be slightly mundane..

Please bear with me!

Off to St. George!

Heading out of town with my friend Kassidy and a big group of girls to help her mom out with her wedding!! Honestly I'm totally excited.  Tired but excited!

Then when I get back: huge Club Sweata event! Wondering how that's going to go..? Honestly, I'm not even gonna stress about it.

Bigger posts will come later as my summer advances.. Off into Mormon country.

Meanwhile.. a picture of me.. my lips yesterday :D

So luscious ;)

Flash of Peace

There seem to be glimmers of hope everywhere, don't you think?  Everything and everyone in the world might be telling you no, but there is a moment, an instant, where everything is okay.  There's like a flash of unexpected peace.

Yes, it does seem quite contradictory to explain peace as a flash.  However I can find no other way to describe it.  Maybe things will work out.  They should work out just fine I believe.

Being a senior in high school meant nothing to me, I knew one girl at my high school really well by the end and other than that.. I knew no one and thus high school really was a joke and I couldn't wait to leave.

Upon finishing my solo performance at my last show last night two of the younger girls in my studio ran onto the stage to give me a hug.  I had already shed a tear or two before stepping foot onto the stage but I thought I'd get through it just fine.  No. No. No. Not after that.  I was immediately a mess, which is okay.

These girls were so worried they wouldn't see me again, but I promised I'd be sticking around and visiting often.  Still was hard.  But that moment gave me hope, I didn't have much hope before that.  I felt that it really was the end: the closing.  For me it was over.  I don't think its over, I think it has just begun.

In many ways my life has so many possibilities and opportunities at this point I just feel overwhelmed.  I mean, will I make the right decisions? Will I say the right things? be in the right place at the right time?  I could totally mess everything up for me!  But that hope keeps telling me it'll be okay.

And it will be.

Me in my stage makeup after the show (:

In Honor of an End

My mom came into my room crying this morning.  Its over.  Today is the last day.

Last studio show.

In a lot of ways it feels like the end of my childhood.  The closing.

I guess I sort of feel like I rushed out of my childhood.  Went too fast, although I'm thankful I'm more prepared than most for the future.

She was crying.  But I didn't cry.  I'll save that for later when it's really all over.

I feel like I should have done so much more by now.  Like I've missed out on 100 different things. Maybe 1000.  And now I'm just really going to forever miss out on those things.  That's okay.  I have eternity.

So in honor of my last dance performance with my studio I am posting my first memory of performing with a studio.  I was 4 when I performed in my first show.  I was a flower in Alice in Wonderland.  My huge hat kept flopping over my face so my mom finally lined it with the wire from a hanger.  I was the cutest flower EVER.

This day is going to go by too quickly.

Ugh.. Its that moment.

That moment when you thought you had something within reach.  It was right there. It was so close you could almost touch it.  Then it disappears.  Its like gone. Forever.  You hope its not forever but your hope isn't very strong.

Then the depression kicks in.

Then you're just done.


On a happier note!! Dance show today was AWESOME!  I feel great! I feel wonderful! Show tomorrow will be better though!

Thinking

So life makes you think.  You think you know what you think and then thinking makes you think differently.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that our thought process is endless and nothing we know is necessarily absolute.  It's kind of a circle of knowledge enclosing some real truth that we're all trying to reach somehow.

But when you think, sometimes you're not quite thinking right and you find yourself rethinking your thoughts and changing the outcome of the created decisions that were thought and decided before.  Thus our thoughts can never be absolute because there is an endless amount of information that we must process on a daily basis.

Take math for example.  You start out with the basics: adding and subtracting.  Later you add on with multiplication and division and square roots and cubed roots and imaginary numbers and definite numbers that cannot be explained in any other way then a name or a symbol (such as pi, e, and i.)  Bringing you into infinite possibilities when working with imaginary numbers and such.  And just when you think you've figured that out you are exposed to geometry and how some of these ideas can interact with us in the world.  Sine, Cosine, and Tangent are just simple ideas of infinite ideas.
Then you step into astronomy where numbers have to explain everything and yet, because we don't quite understand it perfectly ourselves, our numbers aren't perfect: thus our knowledge fails us in many aspects.

But we keep learning. We learn and make mistakes in our calculations and sometimes correct ourselves.  Sometimes too late and sometimes just in time.  Or sometimes it is never corrected in our lifetime and years later someone must fix our mistakes for us.

Kind of funny how it all works out, huh?

I feel like posting a picture so I'll post the one below.  I realized recently that although it seemed chaotic before it is really not.  It is simply snowing and you have two trees and two telephone booths.  Almost kind of artistic, don't you think? Not quite appropriate considering it is the beginning of summer, however I feel it would be nice to have some snow right about now!

Summer

Summer has really begun for me now.  However it seems that my schedule is going to be quite full.

This week. I'm dancing all day every day to prep for my show next week.
Next week.  I have my dance show Tuesday and Wednesday followed by a quick trip to St. George with some friends.
The following week.  I must find a way to travel to Mesa, AZ.  And for the next 4 weeks I'll be chillin there and then heading to the Cooper reunion at Bear Lake.
After that, there will be a dance studio "Opening Dance Day" on the 21st that I must be there to attend!
Then a semi-free August until I'm hopefully teaching at a dance camp the week before school starts!

Then college. COLLEGE! I'm getting old.  Where did my childhood years go?! I feel like I've hardly been a child at all.  One minute I'm in elementary school doing homework and dancing, then middle school  homeschooling and dancing, the high school which was homework and dancing, and now I'm an "adult."

Time flew.

And it will continue to fly, it seems.  I'll go to college and finish as quick as possible, then get married, have children, and watch time fly as they follow in my footsteps.  Go to school, choose their hobbies, and become an adult.  Before you know it I'll be a grandma.

Now, I know I'm getting a little ahead of myself.  College is going to take up at least four years and I should probably be a little more "in the moment" about it.  The next few years are going to be awesome like the last few years have been.

I'm movin' on up!  Taking big steps now, not baby steps. Frightening, though it may seem, I'm not frightened. Not nervous even. Just waiting. And planning.

Summer.