Pessimistic

Pessimism occurs when you can look hope in the eyes and say no, when you can see sunlight through the window and hide, when you hear a sad song and tears never reach your eyes, when you're alone.

Pessimism is more than a sadness, it’s an everlasting sorrow that lacks a tear.  A forever that never exists.  A now, never rightly remembered. A dance without a movement, a song without a tune. 

The pessimists always wait for a miracle but when it is finally upon them they  can't see it's presence because they walk in darkness.

Dreams

So, basically what I was trying to accomplish with this picture was the idea of people dreaming in either black and white or color.  Supposedly people can either actually dream in both of them or only one of them.

I only ever remember dreaming in color.

Anyway!  I've definitely had my share of nightmares but what most people may find odd is the idea that my worst nightmare, next to being eaten by a shark, was a dream about an upcoming dance show where we were given a new director and everything got totally out of hand.

This old overweight white guy walked in to our class one day announcing that he was in charge, and for people actually in this dance it would probably help if you knew we were working on Ms. Otjes' number. 

Firstly we were given new costumes.  My costume resembled a fluffy pink pom-pom with a tule skirt billowing over the length of my body, basically my armpits to my knees, and my shoulders were drowning in pink flamingo feathers, and let me be very descriptive, this flamingo was high on shrimp.  I'd like to say Alyssa Magno had it better off but we were about to tears as I glanced and saw her in a similar outfit, yet more high off of sunshine than anything else. 

To top off the ugliness of the costumes I thought my partner Aaron Sampson was going to start yelling at the evil man director guy after he (Aaron) quietly yelled in my ear that he simply could not find my waist underneath the bloated salmon encasement that surrounded me.  Although he was looking quite fine in his new "St. Patrick's Day" leprechaun vest.

Though costumes may always be a horror I could never imagine what was coming next.  After running through our number (quite horribly, considering the boys couldn't find any girls' waists and they were constantly inhaling a flood of feathers) the director approached my partner and me and asked us to, instead of doing one promenade in a certain section, try three in the same amount of time.  Ugly costumes, flailing arms, and horror-struck faces were present as we attempted to time the steps as quickly as possible without looking like a movie on "fast forward" and "repeat."

As if these directions weren't abominable enough the director was disappointed with the way the boys were dropping girls everywhere (which, by the way, was because of the costumes) so he made changes to the set up of the stage and had workout mats lining every inch of the floor so the girls would not be injured if they were dropped.

Yeah… try doing pointe on a fluffy work-out mat.

Change

Nobody really understands who I am.  Who am I?  I walk every day trying to find my place, create my future.  Do I know who I am?  I’ve changed since yesterday and I will change tomorrow, but for now this is me.

I love music.  I love dance.  They are the two forms I can use to express how I feel.  How I can express me.  Otherwise I’m nothing.  Music gives me an emotion.  Dance allows me to interpret that emotion to an audience.  They walk hand in hand, or dance hand in hand, depending on how you look at it.  I can feel everyone’s pain or passion; I just have to tune in to the right station.

I’m perfectly abstract: never completely understood or completely tangible.  I’m always a wisp of an idea that slips from one’s fingers just when they think they’ve grasped it. 

My favorite color is white.  Not because it is colorless.  Not because it’s easy to understand and incorporate into a gray scale picture with a simple thought not fully understood.  It is the presence of all colors.  White light passes through a prism to reveal its deep quality that otherwise is hard to reveal.  That’s why rainbows are so beautiful.  They can’t be fully comprehended.  They’re never tangible either.  Completely celestial.

I like simple things.  But I love adding flair.  A perfectly simple fragile silver necklace with a colored gem adorned at the end of every inch.  I don’t like things completely bedazzled or overdone.  No heavy pearls that weigh down my light spirit. 

Dirt.  It’s dirty alright.  But I feel grounded.  Why not stain my skin with brown moist flecks for the length of an afternoon?  I’m bare foot with no limitations.  There are unexplored forests, just yearning to be explored.  The song of the trees waiting to be translated to the voice of man, and hoping I can give them that voice.  The silence of the breeze, the warmth of the sun, the caress of the raindrops, the fierceness of the lightning; it all intrigues me, calls to me, speaks to me.

Imagination flows from my pores.  Nothing changes the facts that angels haunt my dreams, lovers call my name, friends await my help, and beasts wait to be slain.  Yet, in the end, there is no true and real adventure.  My mind wanders into an oblivion of hopes and impossibles. 

I ignore love.  What is love if I can manage to ignore its being?  Love follows and interferes, remains spontaneous and hopeful, catching a breeze and drifting by my side.  Love is unending if it is true.  Love never mistakes who it traps, or rather, gives freedom to.  I haven’t felt a freedom with one quite yet so that one must not have come. 

Red and white, those will be my wedding colors.  Red is to symbolize passion, love, and romance.  White is to symbolize purity and simplicity.  That’s as far as I need plan.  Weddings and marriages are important because of your sealing to the person you long to be with for eternity.  For me, it’s about him, not the wedding itself.