Recent heartbreak has made me really think, and through the pain I learned a lot of things, but among them I found one most important fact.
Satan will tell you anything to take away your joy or make you feel inadequate.
Satan wants us to believe that we have brought upon ourselves anything painful, harmful, dangerous, agonizing, difficult, or just plain bad. You start blaming yourself when these feelings befall you.
"What's wrong with me?"
"What could I have done differently?"
"I'm not good enough."
"I'm not smart enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not talented enough."
"I could have changed something, but I'm not strong enough."
And none of these thoughts are from God. In 2 Nephi 2:27 we read that Satan "seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself."
Just too clear the air: like many LDS young single adults my age I did go through a difficult situation with a member of the opposite gender, and coming out of the situation I was thinking many of the previous thoughts I quoted. "I'm not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or talented enough. I could have changed something. What's wrong with me?"
Truthfully, I've come to the realization that there is nothing wrong with me. But how? Well, because I'm surrounded by people who love me. My mother has talked with me for hours. My father has continually told me he loves me. My brother, Izaak, told me, and I quote, "you're good enough for anyone, you just need to find a guy good enough for you." Marcus found out about the situation and started sharpening his knife.. I'm not sure if that is actually related to this situation, but I found it hilarious and ironic.
I also have two best friends on missions that I email weekly. In my despair I told them of my situation and received the most wonderful and inspiring responses. Firstly, they wish they could be here to throw darts at his face (a printed picture, not his actual face) with me, as well as eat ice cream and watch chick-flicks. Secondly, I received only words of love and wonderful scriptures to lift my spirits.
Mosiah 24:15-16
"And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.
"And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying: Be of good comfort, for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage."
This is what God wants me to know. Now, I'm not in bondage, and I'm not exactly submitting to all things "cheerfully," but I am learning and growing. Hopefully someday I will get to that point.
I do think it is important to note that although there is nothing wrong with me... there is probably nothing wrong with this boy either.
A talk given by Elder Dallin H. Oaks in January of 2002 really opened my eyes. In "Timing" he notes that "some of our most important plans cannot be brought to pass without the agency and actions of others."
Our timing is not the Lord's timing, and he knows best. "Because of things over which we have no control, we cannot plan and bring to pass everything we desire in our lives. Many important things will occur in our lives that we have not planned, and not all of them will be welcome. Even our most righteous desire may elude us or come in different ways or at different times than we have sought to plan."
I want to finish with this quote from the same talk because I believe it relates not only to my situation, but to the situations of those around me. And I do have a testimony that Heavenly Father knows best, and he only wants the best for us. He doesn't want us to belittle ourselves or blame ourselves, but he also does not wish to take away the agency of others, and thus we are gifted with agency for ourselves which is a wonderful blessing to have. I would never trade that for anything in the world.
"If we have faith in God and if we are committed to the fundamentals of keeping His commandments and putting Him first in our lives, we do not need to plan every single event-- even every important event-- and we should not feel rejected or depressed if some things-- even some very important things-- do not happen at the time we have planned or hoped or prayed."
